Wednesday, September 26, 2007

An Hour At The Railway Station

I had started writing this post almost a year back - the draft says 30/09/06, but that was under a different context, and in different times.
To give justice to the time spent then, I quote whatever little I had written:
"This was among the common easy topics in school. However, the actual experience is a lot of fun. Especially when you aren't there to catch a train or receive someone, but to simply spend an hour there, observing and experiencing the activities at a railway station.
Rail travel always entails more confusion and tension than any other form of travel..."
However, last evening the mood was on another plane. Having had an interesting day, I spent an hour at the railway station. The time was approximately between 8:30 and 9:30 p.m. This time, there were no long distance trains that came and went. The platforms were either empty or had empty trains berthed after their journey from Bombay. The normally buzzing and chaotic station was quite calm and peaceful today, it felt almost as if I was walking in a frame frozen in time. That was good for me, since I was able to sit down and think over my life and over my current and future state. My friend was with me too, but I still did get time to reflect while both of us were taking in the serene atmosphere.
So I got thinking- I thought about trains - how at times there are two places you want to go, two trains you want to catch, but its almost impossible to decide. Its even worse when you don't have a reservation in either train and don't even know how far the will trains take you toward your destination. So the chance of either decision not working out and of you getting back to where you started from after a lot of effort and sacrifice is significant. Then I tried to explore the cause of this confusion and I realized that its main cause is the fact that you want to get somewhere. In my case, I want to go someplace else even though I am not particularly unhappy with my current state of affairs. I have more than enough of what I need, and at the rate I am going I am sure that situation will at least persist, if not improve. However, I want to change the status quo, go elsewhere, someplace better. Knowing that I have brought this confusion upon me out of choice, I feel a little better, I don't feel sorry for myself for being unlucky.
Now a little effort towards its resolution, there is no point in trying to get reservations in two trains which I can't board simultaneously, I know I have to make a choice. Also, I know that I might get at a place similar to the one I forfeit now, sometime in the future (irrespective of whether the journey I chose now is successful or not), the alternate place may not be all that good, but then it would be my choice. As they say 'you win some, you lose some', I just hope I am not unlucky to lose all. Also, from my current position, I don't have enough information on which choice will be better or in which one I will be more successful, both are risks.
One may feel that I am trying to palm off responsibility on luck by calling my choices risks, however, I know that my choices will only affect me and I learn from mistakes if any. Another short one on luck - at times isn't on your side at all. Just a few hours back I had an accident. I skidded on a turning because there was a trail of some viscous liquid (probably a lubricant of some sort) spilt on the road, at a turning. The trail was quite thin, a tyre width at max, but my back wheel had to go on it at the exact same time I turned. So I skidded and fell and injured myself when there was absolutely no fault of mine, and the chances of me turning while on the thin trail of liquid weren't very high. That's luck and it does have its effects on ... well, life!
One positive conclusion was that I have to make a choice and that this is a good thing. So I thought of what I have to do next. For either of my choices, I must act fast, time is running out quickly. Try my best in it, and if it doesn't work out, learn from my mistakes, and move on. Worrying about it now will not help, it will only consume my time and waste it!
I have made my choice, I feel a little sad for the other choice but I hope the future will hold something better. (Hope is really powerful you know!).
Here's me signing out promising myself on working toward my goals to the best of my ability without worrying about things that are beyond my control and don't warrant the attention.
The hour at the railway station also deserves my gratitude for helping me make this resolve!